Diary of a Non-Obc Man

Ahmedabad, 30 April 2056: I attended the bash at the IIM-OBC AlumniAssociation to celebrate the fiftieth anniversary of the reservationof seats for OBCs (Other Backward Castes) in IIMs. Since I'm not an
OBC, I was not supposed to attend, but at present, we MBFCs(Moderately Backward Forward Castes) together with the Non-ScheduledTribes have a political alliance with the OBCs. We sipped champagneand talked about how so many of us had progressed from reserved seats
in the IIMs to reserved jobs to reserved promotions. Unfortunately,the party broke up when a Non-scheduled Tribes faculty member objectedto the OBCs dancing with all the pretty girls — he wanted equalopportunities for every caste at each dance. I pointed out that the
Non-scheduled Tribes had exceeded the quota of champagne reserved forthem. The party ended in a pitched caste battle.1) May 2056: Today, I became president of the IIM Board of Directors.Under the present rotating presidency system, a member of each caste
is made the president by turn. When it was the turn of the MBFCs forpresident, they had to choose me because I'm the only MBFC on thecampus. True, I'm only the campus dhobi, but then every caste must begiven an equal opportunity. All those centuries of oppression by the
OSBFCs (Only Slightly Backward Forward Castes) and the OFCs (OtherForward Castes) must be rectified. I hope to restore the highstandards at IIM — I overheard some foreigners calling it the IndianInstitute of Morons, the other day.
2) May 2056: They've announced the cricket team for the series againstAustralia . I was overjoyed when they chose an MBFC man as captain.But my hopes were dashed when I realised he was a Most Backward
Forward Caste and not a Moderately Backward Forward Caste. The
selection committee lamented that it was gross discrimination that nomember from the Jarowa tribe (the Stone Age tribe in theAndamans) had ever found a place in the Indian cricket team. A squadhas since been dispatched to the Andamans to capture a Jarowa tribal
to play in the national team. I hope he will improve their performance— they had an innings defeat against the Maldives recently. I wouldhave played myself except for the fact that I lost a leg some years
ago when I was in hospital with a toothache and a doctor recruited
through the Unscheduled Caste quota extracted my leg instead of mytooth.3) May 2056: There are too many NFCs (Neo-Forward castes) in the ITbusiness. Under the terms of the Business Reservation Act, their firms
will now be taken over by the other castes. I hope they will be ableto restore the Indian IT industry back to its former glory. For someunfathomable reason, it has gone down the drain after job reservations

were implemented. I went for a movie featuring star actor Mungeri Ram.He may lack teeth, be four-feet-three and have hair growing out of hisnose, but this year it's the turn of the EBC-RYs (Extremely Backward
Caste-Rural Yokels) to be stars and Mungeri Ram is the best of the
lot. I wonder why foreign movies have become so popular.4) May 2056: A truly great day. We now have an OFBMBC (Other ForwardBut Moderately Backward Caste) general as the Head of the ArmedForces. I hope he'll be able to win back the territory we lost ever
since reservations were implemented in the Army. Since then, the northhas been taken by Pakistan , the North-east by China , the east byBangladesh and the south by Sri Lanka and the Maldives . Only lastwinter, we lost the war against Bhutan and free India is now limited
to the western coastal states. But I'm sure the OFBMBC general willturn the tide.5) May 2056: My wife and I have been blessed with a bonny daughter.Since my wife's an SBBNSBC (Slightly Backward But Not So Backward
Caste), my daughter will be an MBFC-SBBNSBC. I must lobby forreservation for her caste. She's the only member and I'm sure she has a great future.


---Aayush